I had a bit of a revelation a couple of days ago and thought I would share it.
I take our dog for a walk every morning in the most beautiful wooded area near to my daughter's school. She's a lovely dog but it's a little embarrassing to introduce her. For some reason my husband thought it would be fun to call her Stubby.
Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes to an audio book and sometimes to a downloaded podcast of a spiritual teaching. This particular morning, I was listening to Jo Dunning and doing a walking meditation. At one point, just as she was transmitting some energy, a big fat Autumn leaf wafted down in front of me, making me stop in my tracks. I looked up and saw this tree:
I had never noticed it before because it was an ugly duckling in a wood full of beautiful swans. But looking at it now, it made me cry. Why was I being a big sissy? Well, for the past few months I had been wishing I could clone myself. (Yikes, not more than one of her running around, I hear you gasp!). I have been wanting a Me that is a wife and mother, a Me that is the writer, a Me who works and brings in a ton of money, a Me who could explore all the spiritual avenues that are calling, a Me that is a daughter, sister and friend, and a Me who wants to travel all over the world. I have been trying to be all these things, but sometimes I feel like I am being pulled in many directions at once. Like Doctor Dolittle's Pushmi-Pullyu, but with more heads. Who remembers that?
But standing in front of this tree, listening to the silence being transmitted in my ears, I suddenly received a wonderful bit of wisdom. What I 'heard' was that if I could stay in the moment at whatever I was doing, I can be all those Me's. If I would be fully present when my kids asked me to help them, rather than thinking of a million other things I needed to be doing, I would be a mother. If I would concentrate totally on my writing, rather than feeling guilty that I wasn't looking for a job or doing the laundry, then I would be a writer. That if I didn't try to blog or answer emails when my husband finished work at the end of the day, and gave him my absolute attention, then I would be a wife.
Looking at this tree, I saw that it had one base from which all these different trees were growing and I suddenly understood at a deeper level. All these Me's were already inside me. If I could just fully be in each moment, at whatever I was doing, there would be enough time for all of them. I felt such a sense of clarity and joy. It felt like amazing new information, but it was something I already knew. I just didn't put it into practice very often.
So I have made myself a resolution. I am going to try, every day, to be more present in each moment. I'm going to start now by stopping this blog, closing my computer and spending some time with my very patient, very loving husband (whose birthday it is today, so Happy Birthday Mark) .... I'll just quickly add a photo first ... then I'll go ... oh, and edit that typo ... oooh, is that an email?!