A - Z: U - Useful and Useless

 

U is for Useful and Useless

Useful: Lefty Loosey, Righty TightyBeing a rather Unorganised, but Ultroneous (that's spontaneous to the Uneducated) person, I obviously have not properly thought through this A-Z Challenge. Apart from the first 3 or 4 posts, I have not written posts ahead of time. I have not even listed ideas of what I might write. It has been an interesting exercise in thinking on my feet, to say the least. So, as we arrive at the bottom end of the alphabet and the letters become a bit more difficult, I find myself somewhat panicking. What do to with 'U'? Ultimately, what Utter nonsense will I come up this time? Not one to disappoint, I have decided to Unearth and Unlease and, wait for it, Unbosom some Useful tips and some Useless sayings for your general amusement and jollification.

I thought this was a ridiculous saying when my husband first said it and mocked him cruelly. Now I know the error of my ways as it is the ONLY way I can tell how to turn something on or off. I find myself saying it to others. Does this mean I am now officially "An Old Fart"?

A-Z Challenge: T- Teenager

T is for Teenager

I have a houseful of hormonal teenagers. Terrible, toxic, bad-tempered teenagers having tantrums and eating us out of house and home. I always thought the terrible twos were bad, but they've got nothing on the terrible teens. I wouldn’t wish teenagers on my worst enemy.

A-Z Challenge: S - Spirituality

S is for Spirituality

Now, you may not realise, judging from yesterday's post of lavatorial lewdness, but I actually have quite strong spiritual beliefs. Many years ago, when I was at boarding school, we were forced to go to church every Sunday and it was unutterably boring and completely put me off organised religion. If we so much as smiled the vicar, who must have had a sense of humour lobotomy, would give you such a look of horror, you would have thought we had shouted "Phuq!" (see R) at the top of our voice. God forbid, if one of us farted, it was like we were sacrificing a small child. So I decided that anywhere that didn't have a sense of humour was no place for me! 

A-Z Challenge: R - Rude

R is for Rude

Today I am going to briefly introduce those of that don’t know about it to Viz magazine. Well, I suppose to be more accurate, it’s more of a comic. A rude comic. In fact, a very rude comic. For adults, not kids. Definitely not for kids! It bills itself as “a rude parody of British post-war comics”.

A-Z Challenge: Q - Quirky Quodlibet

Q is for Quirky Quodlibet

Once upon a time there was a quacksalver who was a terrible quidnunc. Her main quiddity was that she was a very quiddle person. She also loved quarenders.

A-Z Challenge: P - Paul Weller

 

P is for Paul Weller

I have decided to split this into two posts: 'P' and 'W' as Paul Weller really is too good to fit in just one. So for this post you have the introduction and The Jam, his first band. I am a little bit obsessed with Paul Weller. Can one be ‘a little bit obsessed’? Or is that an oxymoron? Anyway, he is one of my favourite artists, if not the favourite. He is a ROCK GOD (and has, actually, received the Godlike Genius Award at the NME Awards).  He's a working-class hero, an incredibly talented singer-songwriter, has won more awards that I’ve had hot dinners, has successfully reinvented himself three times and to top it off, he’s also a bit-of-alright (meaning eye-candy, sex-on-legs, yummy, get-yer-pants-off-gorgeous ... except for some really dodgy haircuts).  

A-Z Challenge: O - Obeliscolychny and Others

O is for Obeliscolychny and Others

I thought for the letter O it would be fun to pick some unusual words and see if you can guess their meaning if I describe them to you (no cheating and looking up the words in google).

For example, obeliscolychny: 
“Ahoy thar, me ship-mates. Wha’ be that flashin’ light in t’ distance?”
Yes, well done – Lighthouse.

Ok – you get the idea. Answers are written small at the end.

A-Z Challenge: N - Naughty, but Nice

N is for Naughty, but Nice

Ice cream

I have a massive weakness for ice cream. It's one of those things that tempts me out of my diets. My husband has even started making ice cream - delicious, yummy, creamy homemade ice cream. Arrgh!

A-Z Challenge: M - Marmite

M is for Marmite

You either love it or hate it. Which one are you? I am mostly a hater. I can occasionally eat it, sparingly, on eggy bread (that's French Toast to all you la-de-dah's). But I have to share this amazing Nut Roast recipe which one of my veggie friends gave me, as the secret ingredient is Marmite.

A-Z Challenge: L - Lizard-Face

L is for Lizard-Face

When my daughter was young and going through the terrible twos, my sister, Sue, used to come round and try and cheer her up by making silly faces. The one that worked every time, without fail, was “lizard-face”. Well, it made me laugh a lot anyway. Then my whole family started doing lizard-faces whenever we wanted to make someone laugh. Now it has become a bit of a family tradition and we do it all the time - forgetting that other people have no idea why we suddenly look like creatures from outer space, while cackling hysterically. Probably not how most people expect a Buddhist nun to behave either, which somehow makes it all the funnier.