Monday, February 20, 2012

First Challenge, Fourth Campaign - The Gas Chamber

The Gas Chamber


Photo credit
Shadows crept across the wall of the boarding school dormitory. There was utter silence.  It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Which was unusual with eight boisterous, hormonal teenagers forced into one room, with too much energy to sleep at a ridiculously early hour. We were playing Colditz, a WWII prisoner of war series on the telly. Six of us ‘prisoners’ would hide at various points in the dormitory, while the two remaining ‘guards’ would take a flashlight and try and find us. Now, of course, there were very few places you could hide in a sparse dormitory, so most of us were under the beds trying to stifle our excited giggles.

The shadows lengthened as the guards searched with the light. I was huddled next to my best friend Bucket. She was notorious for being a prankster so this was probably not my best move. I could see her eyes glint dangerously as she turned, grinned mischievously, and then shuffled herself round so her orange pajama-clad bottom was facing me. Too late I realized what she was planning. There was a muffled puffing sound and then a disgusting toxic-smelling cloud enveloped me as everything faded.


The Rules: Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. If you want to give yourself an added challenge, do one or more of these:

• end the story with the words: "everything faded."
• include the word "orange" in the story
• write in the same genre you normally write
• make your story 200 words exactly


I have done everything and it is exactly 200 words. I would love to know what you think.

36 comments:

  1. Omg!!! You did such a good job with this. LOL!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL bucket needs a cork maybe for that hole

    ReplyDelete
  3. Daisy - thank you, so pleased you enjoyed it.
    Stuart - Yes, needs a bit kick in her orange behind!
    Jax - thank you :)
    Pat - ha ha too right :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hands down. Funniest entry yet. Nice one, Claire! :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG, I saw this one coming with "orange pajama-clad bottom," but still LOL'ed! And here I was, reading the title "Gas Chamber" and the teens' Colditz game, and thinking this will be some depressing, sad, intense entry.

    I'm echoing David. Funniest. Entry. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  6. P.S.: Your entry has been shortlisted and will move on to round 2 of the competition. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahaha LOL I loved this!! "eight boisterous, hormonal teenagers forced into one room, with too much energy to sleep at a ridiculously early hour" I LOVED that line. Great job!!

    I'm entry #19

    ReplyDelete
  8. David - Thank you. For your lips to the judges ears.
    JC - OMG! You heard! LOL Thank you. Best prize ever though is reading amazing comments like 'Funniest. Entry. Ever.'
    Jess - Thank you, thank you :)
    Going to go read all your entries now.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Fun, creative, and original - excellent job on the challenge! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahah this was so funny! I loved it! Nice job! :D

    I'm #37 :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh. My. Goodness. Thank you so much for this.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks for the laughs! Nice to see a different direction here! :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahaha. That was so funny. Did not expect that! Love the name Bucket--very fitting!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ann - thank you, I love these challenges
    Alyssa - glad you enjoyed it.
    J9kovac (Janine) - yes please!
    Juliemybird - my pleasure :)
    Kmckendry - thanks for reading
    Carrie - :)
    Ashley - she is, actually, my best friend and we did, really, play Colditz!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Great story - nice humour without being gross. #91

    ReplyDelete
  16. Definitly the funniest one so far and I suspect it will remain the funniest one. I knew I was looking forward to reading yours for a reason! mine is #71

    ReplyDelete
  17. Sally - Thanks for reading and commenting.
    Alexia - Was hoping the title didn't give it away
    Bridget - aw thanks, popping over to read yours now

    ReplyDelete
  18. Cheeky and funny! Quite different to others I have read!

    ReplyDelete
  19. This was an interesting and unique approach. Gotta watch out for that silent but deadly gas attack.


    Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

    ReplyDelete
  20. LOL! This was great! Voice and spunk, nice job Claire!

    ReplyDelete
  21. great prank and use of prompts! fun!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Funny! Why is it that "bodily functions" always make us smile? I loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hilarious! What a wicked sense of humour you have! I love it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. This was a great laugh, brilliant! Totally had me going with your title, I was expecting something very grim and intense and then we get this. Made me giggle. Very nicely done!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Bucket is the kind of character I would love to hear more about. Good job, well written! You have been platform tagged. http://sivmaria.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  26. Oh my goodness - so many lovely comments!
    C.M. - thanks, I like to be different!
    Arlee - yes, those SBD's were killers
    Kerri - thanks, looking forward to hopping with you again :)
    Tara - thanks
    Fairview - Love 'lavatory humour' as we say in England!
    Christy - thanks and will try and get to read yours
    Humpty Dumpty - just love your name!
    Nick - thanks and loved your entry
    Traci - :)
    Siv - thanks and will try and get the answers up soon. Bucket is hilarious and features quite a lot in my memoir. Must write more stories about her - she is completely unique and mad!

    ReplyDelete
  27. This was a nice surprise considering the grim title! Very funny and I love the setting! Nice work!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Ewww! Haha! That was a fun story :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Laughed helplessly, trying my best to be repulsed and failing.

    ReplyDelete