Wednesday, June 13, 2012

TKP - Being Kind to Myself


Brightening the world one smile, one kind word,
one blog post at a time



Too often kindness is relegated to a random act performed only when we’re feeling good.  But an even greater kindness (to ourselves and others) occurs when we reach out even when we aren’t feeling entirely whole. It’s not easy, and no one is perfect. But we’ve decided it’s not impossible to brighten the world one smile, one kind word, one blog post at a time. To that end, a few of us writers have established The Kindness Project, posting the second Wednesday of every month. 

Want to join us? Grab our button and spread a little kindness.  


Unfortunately, I have not been feeling particularly kind recently. I have been too busy, too tired and too overwhelmed with kids' stuff. I have been a bit irritable. A bit short-tempered. A bit less prone to laughing. Which is strange, because I have continued to meditate after my month of meditation in May and am feeling very good about that. Normally when I meditate life gets easier, my head becomes clearer and my day simplifies.

Not so this week. Or last week, for that matter. I have been in a strange old place. I wondered if it was something to do with Venus passing over the sun last week. I read somewhere it meant that masses of Goddess energy was entering our planet as a way of balancing the masculine imbalance over the last, oh, few hundred thousand years or so.  Anyway, whatever the reason, it has meant I have not been practicing 'radical kindness' to others and particularly not to myself. The only good thing is that nowadays I don't say out loud all the crap I'm thinking. So that's a sort of kindness to my family and friends. 

At one point last week, I realised I was looking at everyone around me and listing in my head all the reasons while they annoyed me and getting thoroughly pissed off. Thank goodness I have a really good friend I can vent my spleen to, as I then discovered that what I really should be doing is looking at my own behaviour. My own attitude. I know my outer world is really just a massive mirror for my inner one. I don't want to let others have the power to control whether I am happy or not. That is my responsibility. And I am the mad, crazy one anyway.

So, even though I have done some kind deeds in the last month, actually a lot of kind deeds, I still want to start being kinder to myself. That is my goal for the next month. Instead of the usual tongue-lashing I mentally give myself, I'm gonna start talking to myself in a much nicer, calmer, friendlier, less judgemental way.

Right, you silly bitch, stop blathering on like a boring old fart and finish this post. Who the hell is going to want to read your nonsense anyway? Honestly, you just waffle on and on and on ...


40 comments:

  1. You have to be kind to yourself--otherwise it can be too hard to be kind to other people! So shut up that inner critic, pronto! :) (Because lots of us want to read your NON-nonsense words!)

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    1. Thanks Sara. Yes it's very true. And actually makes it a bit easier to be kind to myself.

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  2. LOL such a blathering old fart hahaha being kind to yourself can be one of the hardest things to do, especially with all the annoying fools around haha

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  3. Part of me wants to laugh simply because I love the way you write your posts. Most of me is screaming 'amen sister' cause your last two weeks sound an awful lot like my last two weeks.

    "I know my outer world is really just a massive mirror for my inner one."

    So, so true. I know this, too. Yet when we're drowning it's hard to see. So THANK YOU.

    Wishing you smooth sailing, self love, and sending that inner critic on a cruise to chill :)

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    1. Thanks Raelyn things are starting to ease but so great to read yr comment.

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  4. I've been through those moments (more like huge spans) where I'm angry at how others affect me. But you're right. It's simply mirroring what's going on inside. I hope you're able to be kind to yourself this month.

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    1. Yes so do I!! Starting with lovely new hair colour :)

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  5. Wow, it sounds like a lot of us are in sort of the same place right now. Thank you for this post. I think we all have to learn to be kind to ourselves and then the ability to do radical kindness to others will come. I, too, have felt like although I tried to be kind this month, I didn't do enough. Your honesty means a lot. I'm glad to know i'm not alone.

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    1. We all seem to be having similar experiences which is weird.

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  6. Claire, you are anything but a boring old fart and I love reading your
    nonsense. (not that it is)

    I think we all need to be kinder to ourselves though it's not always easy.

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  7. I love your kindness but must admitt your critic amuses me no end! Have a great week, month, year, but do waffle on from time to time!

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    1. Thanks Bridget. If we can't laugh what's it all about?!!

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  8. I think we do this a lot--let others have power over our happiness. Whether it's by letting them annoy us or in some other way. Being kind to yourself seems like a good way to approach this. It's all about looking inward, isn't it?

    Waffle on any time, dear.

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    1. Yes change comes from within always. Thanks Carol :)

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    2. Absolutely. I know a couple of people who know how to press my buttons...and who do so intentionally. Avoiding these people is a temporary solution, but the best solution is to learn how to stop giving them that power. This comes in ten times as handy when the person who presses yourself!

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  9. We all have that voice, right? I like that this is a theme among posts, and I think that speaks to its importance. And i agree with the above posters about your blathering- it's great!

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  10. Oh, I like this so much. We are our harshest critics, yes? So important to forgive ourselves and be kind to us before we have anything to offer others.

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    1. Thanks Christa, I am definitely my worst critic.

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  11. It's so difficult to be genuinely kind to others when you're using up a lot of energy being harsh to yourself. And it's certainly hard to be healthy and whole while you're tearing yourself down inside! I think caring for ourselves is the first essential step to being able to extend grace to others. Great post!

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    1. Thanks Sarah. Yes it's that oxygen mask thing again - always starts with ourselves first.

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  12. We are so hard on ourselves. (hell, I don't even have the patience to meditate.) It's hard. We know all our own faults and mistakes and ...mean thoughts. (we all have them. EVERY DAY.) But, hey, at least we are making an effort to do better. :)

    And, I think that dog picture is both hilarious and creepy. ;)

    Hugs,
    Lola

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    1. Thanks Lola. Thought it summed up how crazy I am feeling right now. Scary, eh?!

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  13. What a good message. Sometimes that negative self-talk is SO much worse than someone telling you something negative. We are so hard on ourselves. Some days it is hard not to let all that crap fly and tell people what we really think.

    I love that pic ;o)

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    1. Thanks Erica and I so agree. Feeling like that today.

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  14. Honestly, I find keeping my mouth shut sometimes IS a kindness--LOL! Oh, if only I could make that happen more often... :D So kindness to ourselves, YES! I love this. And I also like Meditation May. Interesting idea! :o) <3

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    1. Meditation May was awesome! It seems to have finally helped me to make meditation a habit. Yay!

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  15. Hah! What a fun way to present this. You've got to start by being kind to yourself, or you'll have no room for anything else.

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  16. It's so easy to tear ourselves down, even easier than tearing down those who are unkind to us because, well, we can't get away from ourselves. I also find that if I let myself criticize one part of myself, some kind of dam breaks and suddenly I have about five million reasons I suck. I try to consciously try not to knock myself down in the first place.

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    1. Yes, but easier said than done. Good luck with being kind to yourself.

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  17. i am still learning how to give myself positive pep talks and finding how much better i feel and treat others when i am nice to myself.

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    1. Isn't that the truth - the kinder we ourselves, the kinder we are to others. Thanks for commenting, Cindy.

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  18. I need to join this. I'm always looking for ways to improve myself, aka, to be kinder, lol, mostly to myself. You always make me smile, Claire, especially when you say things like, "The only good thing is that nowadays I don't say out loud all the crap I'm thinking." So are you supposed to post about anything you want, as long as it's about giving/receiving kindness?

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    1. Yes please join, Gwen. Yes, it seems to be whatever you want on the subject of kindness. If you want, have a look at the others on the project and see what they post. I will send you info in an email.

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  19. LOL, Claire - that very last little bit! :-)

    Yes, be kind to yourself, be forgiving. I truly believe an honest compassion for oneself (not responsibility-shrugging or failure to hold oneself accountable for doing serious wrong, just a refusal to self-flagellate for no reason at all, for pity's sake!) is the first step in having compassion and forgiveness for all.
    Some Dark Romantic

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    1. Very true, Mina. Thanks for commenting.

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  20. Oh my, I am exactly this way. I am the last person to ever cut myself slack. I don't know why it's so difficult to empathize with myself when I so intimately know all the contributing factors of my own behavior. I should be celebrating my attempts to improve myself and not kicking myself for every failure. But kicking is so much faster than celebrating, isn't it? Hmmm, need to find a way to change that. Lovely post, Claire!

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