Thursday, March 29, 2012

Choose Your Own Adventure Dragon Blog Hop

Welcome to the Year of the Dragon ChooseYour Own Adventure blog hop. The adventure starts on Kerri's blog, so go back here if you want to start from the beginning.

You stand there gawping like an idiot!

What the hell is a dragon doing in the middle of San Francisco’s Golden Gate Park? You knew there were bison, but this is ridiculous.

You shake your head, wondering if that second bottle of wine last night was such a good idea after all. You decide you must be hallucinating. For goodness sake, dragons don’t actually exist. You look around wildly, but no-one else seems to have noticed the enormous, blood-red, supposedly mythical creature flapping around the park. Perhaps you’re going mad.

The massive winged beast drops to the ground, surprisingly lightly, right in front of you. It could be a dream, you think, but it seems so real. You pinch yourself on your arm and it hurts. Nope. Definitely not a dream. You are rooted to the spot in fear. Your mouth dries and your heart beats so fast you wonder if you might be having a heart attack. You stop breathing as it bends down towards you. All you can focus on are its bright, shiny red scales glinting in the late afternoon sun. Despite your abject terror that these are the last few moments of your life and you are about to die a horrible, painful death as dragon-dinner, you can’t help admiring its beauty. All your life you have been fascinated by dragons. In fact, Puff the Magic Dragon was your favourite childhood storybook. You just never thought you would actually be face to face with one. Or, more accurately, face to snout. At that moment it gives a loud snort and instead of being burnt to a crisp, you are covered in disgusting green snot. Ewww!

“Oh my goodneth, I am tho thorry,” says a high pitched lisping voice.

Where the hell did that voice come from? Surely dragons can’t speak, and if they did, wouldn’t they have a deep, manly, menacing voice?

 “I am thooo embarrethed. Pleathe forgive me,” it says again in what is, quite frankly, a very camp voice.

“Are you talking to me?” you ask the dragon incredulously.

“Yeth, yeth I am. Oooh I am tho excited you can hear me. Only very few humanth are able to understand dragonethe.” It sprays more spittle onto your already dripping face.

“Thorry, thorry,” it exclaims again and then, before you have a chance to say anything, it continues to speak in a rushed voice. “I thuspected you might underthtand me. There’s no time to wathte. They’re after me and might find me at any moment. I dethperately need your help.”

Your help? What on earth could you do to help a dragon?

“W-w-what do you mean?” you exclaim.

“I just came out and my dragon brotherth are furiouth,” the monster explains, turning its huge head from side to side as if looking for an angry mob.

“Came out? W-what do you mean, came out?” you ask, although you already have your suspicions.

The dragon turns and looks at you straight in the eyes and suddenly you're not afraid any more. They are the kindest, saddest eyes you have ever looked into. A tear forms at the corner of one eye and rolls slowly down his scaly face.

“I’m gay!” he says.

Suddenly, there was a loud rumble of thunder. Except that it isn’t thunder. The dragon looks at you in terror.

“They’re coming! Pleathe. Will you help me?”

Do you:

a) Run like the devil away from this effeminate beast?

b) Stay and try and help him?

c) Start over


  1. Oh I would have to ask how he thinks I can help!

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting, Bridget, and glad you want to help the poor thing.

  2. You have to help. You just have to!!!!
    Loved this. The lisp thing was brilliant! :)

  3. I would try to help. Everyone should at least try!! And my goodness, I think I just developed a lisp!! That was great :)

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  5. I love this part of the thread. It's my favorite. Who's ever heard of a gay dragon? Really funny.