A-Z Challenge: Q - Quirky Quodlibet

Q is for Quirky Quodlibet

Once upon a time there was a quacksalver who was a terrible quidnunc. Her main quiddity was that she was a very quiddle person. She also loved quarenders.

One day she was bitten on the hand by an evil quelea when it pilfered the quarender she was eating and she suffered a horrible quid. It quickly developed a nasty-smelling quitter and began to quab painfully. She quagswagged her hand hoping to ease the agony.

On doing so, there was a quiff and a quean appeared with a look of quotha on her face. She had just escaped from quod and had once been a Quadroon. For the last quadrennium, she only spoke in quindecasyllabic words and everyone thought she was a complete quoz. She began speaking a quodlibet of all the quidams in the village. The quinquagenarian was fascinated despite her revulsion of the quean. Suddenly she quackled and querkened and was instantly quietus. The quean cackled loudly, stole all her possessions and disappeared into a qanat and was never seen again.

What's that? You don't understand? Are you complete ignoramuses? Okay, *sigh*, if you really insist, I will translate:

Once upon a time there was a 50-59 year old who falsely pretended to know about medicine and was a terrible busybody and gossip. Her main eccentricity was that she was very fastidious. She also loved dark red apples. One day she was bitten on the hand by an African weaver-bird when it pilfered the dark red apple she was eating and she suffered a horrible cut. It quickly developed a nasty-smelling pus and began to throb painfully. She shook her hand to and fro hoping to ease the agony. On doing so, there was a puff of wind and a hussy appeared with a look of contempt on her face. She had just escaped from prison and was once a well bred, well mannered quarter black woman of ill repute. For the last four years she only spoke in words of fifteen syllables and everyone thought she was an absurd person. She began speaking a humorous medley of all the people in the village. The 50-59 year old was fascinated despite her revulsion of the hussy. Suddenly she choked and suffocated and was instantly dead. The hussy cackled loudly, stole all her possessions and disappeared into an underground water tunnel and was never seen again.