Friday, April 27, 2012

A-Z Challenge: X - Xenophobia








X is for Xenophobia and others



Xenophobia: An irrational fear of foreigners or strangers


Well, although I don't have a fear of all foreigners, I feel sick to the stomach and terrified every time I spot a Californian cop. After getting four (yes, four) tickets in the three years since I got here, is it any wonder I feel a shot of guilty adreneline every time I spot one.
They're like ferocious crocodiles hiding in the swamps all day, just waiting to pounce out and catch us for the slightest infringements. They give out tickets like touts at a rock concert: driving without any due fashion sense, driving under the influence of rap music, or being in possession of a dangerously bad haircut (watch out Paul Weller). Just the sight of a CHP badge can get my heart rate going - and not in a good way. Give me the good ole English bobby any day.

Xenodocheionology
: Love of hotels

Unlike my hubby, I do actually love hotels. There's something exciting about checking into a hotel that gives me a thrill every time. When we were 'courting' we ended up staying in a lot of hotels - some were lovely and some were really crap.
One in particular was utterly appalling. It's a long, funny story (and I am keenly aware of being verbose now) which will be revealed in all its awful glory in my upcoming best-selling memoir! Suffice to say, it involved pigeon shit, smokey, pokey bedrooms, broken boilers, Monty Python, an over indulgence of wine and passing out during sex. Not one of my better birthday treats and did not enable my hubby to get over his dislike of hotels.

Xerox: To copy of a document

I have a short funny story. Someone very close to me, let's call her P, was married to someone with a very small penis. She would take every opportunity to broadcast this fact to the world in various hilarious and creative ways. Luckily, her hubby had THE BEST sense of humour. One Valentine's Day she decided to photocopy a pic of her husband's dick (taken in the bath - you could just about make it out floating atop the water, like a tiny bobbing cork). Enlarging the copy, but sadly not the size of his cock, so it was huge, maybe even lifesize, she then had it personally delivered to his work. It was rolled up in a tube with a bunch of balloons tied to it. Everyone in his office was excited to see what was in the tube, and crowded round as he opened up what he thought was a lovely huge love letter. Not sure he ever lived it down!

What are you afraid of?  Any juicy hotel stories? Got an illicit photocopy of someone's bottom?

12 comments:

  1. I LOVE hotels, but if I had a story anything like ....whatever that story is, I probably wouldn't. :)

    My interview with Tricia Lawrence is up, and yours was one of the questions I asked! You can check it out here!

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    1. Thanks Daisy - ooh how exciting - I will pop over now.

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  2. Okay, wow. The poor guy! I would never do something that embarrassing to someone I love.
    And I had no idea there was even such a word as Xenodocheionology! Sounds like your memoir will be quite funny.

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    1. I know, what was she like? Luckily he just laughed, bless him. I am hoping my memoir will be funny - editing madly :) Thanks for commenting.

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  3. LOL about your description of the CHP officers :-)
    I feel quite sorry for the guy to go through that. Pretty cruel thing, I must say.
    Looking forward to your memoir, Claire!

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    1. Oh don't worry, he got his own back!Thanks Susan.

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  4. I notice you say L was married, Gee, whatever could have gone wrong?

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    1. Ha ha yep, was being the operative word! They're still friends tho :)

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  5. hahaha I might have a fear of strangers after those ticket happy cops as well.

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    1. Yes they are still a bit scary, what with their big guns and aggressive attitude!

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  6. I LOVE Fawlty Towers :-)) As for humorous hotel stories - one time, my husband and I were returning late at night and goofing around. I snatched the room key from his hand, he tried to get it back (we were in the hallway) and someone apparently thought he was assaulting me and reported a domestic disturbance to the front desk. Fortunately, they checked it out instead of calling the police right away :-) So, no more rowdiness in hotels!

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    1. Ha ha - that would have put a dampner on the evening, being locked up in jail for the night!

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