T is for Teenager
I have a houseful of hormonal teenagers. Terrible, toxic, bad-tempered teenagers having tantrums and eating us out of house and home. I always thought the terrible twos were bad, but they've got nothing on the terrible teens. I wouldn’t wish teenagers on my worst enemy.
They are evil monsters that slouch around spewing expletives out of surly mouths and creating a venomous cloud of disgusting mess wherever they go - when they finally heave themselves out of their dank, smelly pits at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, that is.
Here are a few examples of some of the typical things they utter in all seriousness:
- “Oh my God! There’s never anything to eat in this house!” (Standing in front of an open, fully-stocked fridge)
- “Stop shouting at me! You’re always going on at me!” (Shouted at me in response to my polite enquiry as to whether they had done their chore/homework/washing)
- “I hate you. You’re just trying to control me all the time!” (For any reason, any time)
- “Yeah, I will do my homework, but in my time” (To reminder the night before homework is due to be handed in at school)
- “Why didn’t you wake me? Seriously, Mum, I told you to wake me. Now I’m late and it’s all your fault!” (After being woken 3 times and falling back asleep each time)
- "Don't come in til I say Come In. Okay?!" (Said after I accidentally entered bedroom too quickly after knocking on son's door, amid much scuffling under covers)
- “Muuuum, can I have my allowance early? Like today? Pleeease?” (Said on Monday)
- “Muuuum, can I borrow some money? Please? Pretty please?” (Said on Tuesday)
- “Muuuum, will you do my washing? Pleeeeaasse. I desperately need to wear my jeans tonight” (Said at 5pm)
- “I can’t talk now. I’m late. See you later. No, I can’t stop, sorry. Don’t know when I’ll be home, but promise it won’t be late. I did tell you where I was going. No, I can’t stop. I’m late! They’re waiting outside for me. I’ll text you later. Byeeeee.” (Said as running out the door on a Friday night)